Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Are you being aggressive or submissive?
Are you
being aggressive or submissive?
There are
certain situations at work which many of us handle badly. How to criticise and
be criticised, how to respond to bad news, how to ask for help and refuse
requests when we have to, how to solve problems and negotiate with one another,
how to deal with personal attacks or manipulation, even how to give and receive
praise - faced with all of these our natural reaction is often either
aggressive or submissive.
What we
should do in these situations is to assert ourselves -be honest with one another, be clear about
our bottom line and stick to it, and above all, communicate as equals. That is
easier said than done. Assertive behaviour doesn’t come naturally. It requires
thought, confidence and even on occasions a certain amount of courage.
Fortunately
we can learn how to behave assertively. We can identify the traps that people
often fall into when communicating with one another and learn how to use assertiveness
to avoid them.
Of course,
behaving assertively won’t guarantee that we always get what we want. But it
gives us a better chance of doing so, and at the same time, maintaining good
relationships with our colleagues. What’s more, even when we don’t succeed,
there is satisfaction in knowing that we have given the situation our best
shot.
Let’s have
a quick look at the disadvantages of taking on a submissive or aggressive
approach
Submissive:
Disadvantages
- Your views are ignored
- You are not taken seriously
- Your contribution isn’t noticed
- Your self esteem suffers
- You lose confidence
- Your resentment builds
- You feel undervalued
Aggressive:
Disadvantages
- Puts peoples backs up
- Wrecks motivation
- People plot revenge
- They gang up on you
- They stop co-operating
- They withhold information
- They resign
Benefits of
positive assertive behaviour:
- Assertiveness builds good relationships
- It builds confidence
- Both parties views are heard
- ‘Win-win’ solutions are more likely
- The focus is on issues, not personalities
- Though there is no guarantee that behaving assertively will get you what you want, even if you don’t succeed, you will have the satisfaction of knowing you tried.
Submissive
and aggressive behaviours are ‘one-way’. People behaving submissively don’t
stick up for their own rights, opinions or positions. People behaving
aggressively don’t care what others think or feel or what their problems are.
But
assertive behaviour is ‘two-way’. People behaving assertively make their own
views plain but, even when they disagree profoundly, they listen, ask questions
and take into account other’s rights, opinions and positions.
The first
principle of assertiveness is to be honest. That may seem obvious, particularly
as no-one wants to have the reputation of being dishonest. But a common sign
that people are behaving submissively is when they say “I agree” when they don’t,
“that’s a good idea” when it isn’t or “That went well” when it didn’t.
Assertiveness
is also an important part of giving criticism. When we criticise someone what
we say has to be relevant. Of course that means sticking to the issues and not
personalities. But it also means that issues have to be relevant.
Assertiveness
is not only the correct way to give criticism. It is also the correct way to
react to criticism.
Next time a
situation arises which approach will you take? Submissive, aggressive or
assertive...
Train Hard, Fight Easy - Are your staff trained for the battle?
Why train?
Train hard, fight easy – Marshal Zhukov
These days it is difficult for organisations to become successful and stay that way. The pace of change is faster, competition is tougher, customers are more demanding, innovation is more prized but harder to achieve.
Part of the response has been to create leaner, flatter, more flexible structures, but structures don’t run organisations and create success; people do- intelligent people, energetic people, reliable people and most of all, people with the right mix of up to date knowledge and skills.
That means
people who are trained, not for a lifetime’s work, not just once in a while,
but as a central, continuing part of their working lives.
Why use
video-based training?
Video is
familiar. Television is how most people find out what is going on in the world.
It is not surprising that this is a medium they are comfortable to learn from
when they are being trained.
Video makes
demonstration easy. We can show situations being handled badly. We can contrast
that with how to handle them well.
Video is
flexible. It can be the cornerstone of a course run for a group by a specialist
trainer. It can quickly provide simple, clear lessons for a team whenever it is
convenient for them. It can bring interest and enlightenment to a self study
program.
Video
injects realism. It lets us present those being trained with emotional, as well
as rational, problems to solve. Ask a group ‘How would you deal with a
defensive appraisee?’ and you will get a tidy, text book answer. Use video to
demonstrate a defensive appraisee and you will get a much more realistic
reaction.
Video provides
variety. Different people learn in different ways and none of us has an
infinite attention span. Video provides us with a powerful means of injecting
variety into our training.
Why use
video arts programs?
Winston Churchill
once said that he loved to learn, but hated being taught.
That is the
secret of successful training: how to help people who want to learn. We do it
by combining:
- A storehouse of professional knowledge and expertise, developed over 40 years and drawing on some of the best minds in the business
- The highest possible production values, both in the videos we produce and in the support material that goes with them
- The magic ingredient – humour – which can make a delight in the dullest of subject
View the full range of Video Arts training videos here - bit.ly/zgEzd9
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